The Sandwich Generation: Looking After Children and Parents at the Same Time
For many people in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s, life can feel like a balancing act.
You're helping your children build their future while also supporting parents as they age. One minute you're discussing school fees, university plans, or helping a child buy their first home. The next, you're attending medical appointments with Mum, helping Dad with technology, or discussing long-term care options.
This group has become known as the Sandwich Generation - people who find themselves caught between two generations who both need their support.
While it can be incredibly rewarding, it can also be emotionally, physically, and financially exhausting.
Pulled in Two Directions
Many people don't realise they're part of the Sandwich Generation until they're already living it.
You may be:
Supporting children financially
Helping adult children establish themselves
Caring for ageing parents
Managing your own career
Maintaining your own household
Trying to plan for your own retirement
All while attempting to find time for yourself. It's not unusual for people to feel like they're constantly putting someone else's needs ahead of their own. And over time, that pressure can become overwhelming.
The Emotional Weight of Caregiving
One of the biggest challenges isn't necessarily the practical tasks. It's the emotional responsibility.
Many adult children find themselves worrying about:
Their parents' health
Their parents' financial security
Whether they are doing enough
Future care needs
How they will cope if circumstances change
At the same time, they are often carrying similar concerns for their children. The result can be a constant feeling of responsibility for everyone else's wellbeing.
It's a burden many people carry quietly.
When Roles Begin to Change
One of the most difficult transitions can be watching roles shift within the family. The parents who once cared for you may now need support themselves.
You may find yourself:
Helping manage finances
Attending appointments
Assisting with paperwork
Making decisions together
Providing practical day-to-day support
For many people, this role reversal can be confronting. It's a reminder that parents are getting older and that life is changing. Yet it can also be an opportunity to give back to the people who spent years caring for you.
The Financial Squeeze
The Sandwich Generation often experiences pressure from multiple directions financially.
Common challenges include:
Supporting children through education
Assisting with first-home deposits
Helping elderly parents financially
Managing mortgages
Saving for retirement
Covering unexpected expenses
The reality is that many people are trying to fund three generations at once.
Their children.
Their parents.
And their own future.
Without a plan, it can be easy to neglect your own financial wellbeing while helping everyone else.
Why Planning Matters
One of the biggest lessons we see repeatedly is that planning reduces pressure. Families that have conversations early often find themselves in a stronger position when challenges arise.
Important discussions may include:
Estate planning
Wills
Enduring Powers of Attorney
Care preferences
Financial arrangements
Family expectations
These conversations aren't always easy. But they can prevent confusion, stress, and conflict later. The more clarity everyone has, the easier it becomes to make decisions when they're needed.
Don't Forget About Your Own Future
One of the risks for the Sandwich Generation is becoming so focused on helping others that they stop planning for themselves.
Many people delay:
Retirement planning
KiwiSaver reviews
Insurance reviews
Personal financial goals
Health and wellbeing
Because someone else's needs feel more urgent. But looking after yourself isn't selfish.
In fact, it's one of the best things you can do for the people who depend on you. The stronger your own financial and emotional foundation, the better positioned you are to support others.
The Importance of Sharing the Load
Many caregivers feel they need to carry everything themselves.
They don't.
One of the healthiest things families can do is share responsibilities.
That may mean:
Involving siblings
Asking for help
Using professional services
Delegating tasks
Having honest conversations about capacity
Supporting ageing parents and raising children was never meant to be a one-person job. The more support that can be shared, the more sustainable it becomes.
Looking After the Caregiver
This is perhaps the most overlooked part of the Sandwich Generation story. The caregiver often becomes the person everyone relies on.
But who is looking after them?
Caregivers need:
Time to rest
Time for themselves
Emotional support
Financial certainty
Permission to ask for help
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Looking after yourself is not taking away from your family. It's ensuring you can continue supporting them for the long term.
It's a Season, Not Forever
For many people, the demands of the Sandwich Generation can feel endless. But it's important to remember that this is often a season of life.
A challenging season.
A busy season.
A meaningful season.
One that can bring stress, but also connection, perspective, and appreciation for the relationships that matter most.
Many people later look back and realise that while the responsibilities were heavy, the opportunity to support both generations was also a privilege.
Final Thoughts
Being part of the Sandwich Generation means carrying responsibilities in multiple directions at once. You may be helping children build their future while helping parents navigate the next stage of life. It's a role that requires patience, resilience, planning, and support.
The key is remembering that you don't have to do it all alone.
Have the conversations.
Create a plan.
Ask for help when needed.
And don't forget to take care of yourself along the way.
Because while you're busy supporting everyone else, your wellbeing matters too.
And the stronger you are, the stronger your support network can be for the people who need you most.
Glen Hatcher
Financial Adviser
New Vision Financial Services
Plan your future and let us help you have peace of mind along the way.